


if there’s a god, he’s embarrassed

by nysxa



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: I wrote this in class, Other, Platonic Soulmates, This is entirely platonic, these two would just make a rlly good duo, they both are bedwars players
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28853079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nysxa/pseuds/nysxa
Summary: ranboo knows who his soulmate is, and now they know too.——this is entirely platonic, these two would just make a v cool duo
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, Clay | Dream & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Dream SMP Ensemble & Ranboo, Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Floris | Fundy & Ranboo, Grayson | Purpled & Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Grayson | Purpled & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Grayson | Purpled & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Jack Manifold & TommyInnit, Luke | Punz & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Niki | Nihachu & Ranboo, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Wilbur Soot, Sapnap & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 21
Kudos: 457
Collections: Completed stories I've read, Other Fanfoms





	if there’s a god, he’s embarrassed

**Author's Note:**

> once again,, platonic soulmates
> 
> your body stops aging once you reach eighteen so you can age with your soulmate.
> 
> vaguely based off of one of their only interaction where purpled asked ranboo to help him kill punz lol
> 
> guys why is this the oneshot that gets all the hits and kudos,, it’s not that good lmao

everyone knew about soulmates. 

some people searched for their partners, excited to live out their lives with them. while others actively avoided finding theirs intent on living forever. 

people pretended not to notice fundy and dream staying the same even after their marriage, normally seeing some form of aging once you met them. 

pretending not to notice the way george didn't age and ninja did after their seemingly political marriage. 

tubbo and tommy at sixteen _knowing_ they were platonic soulmates well before reaching the age.

quackity, sapnap, and karl seeming to bask in each other, very clearly soulmates. 

on their server, soulmates were a form of leverage. 

dream dangling tubbo and tommy over each other whenever he pleased. 

ninja using george for visas into l'manburg. 

every fake kiss and glance dream used to keep fundy under his thumb 

quackity and sapnap using karl's love for the good of some land. 

ranboo was afraid for his soulmate.

he didn't want the person he was meant to be with for his entire life to be used against him, for them to be just another pawn in dreams ever winding game. 

he'd met them the second day he'd been here, the day his book was created, the day he decided to choose people over sides. 

———

"do you wanna help me kill punz?" purpleds face had been scrunched up in anger, armor covered the lowered half of his body but it was as if he hadn't finished applying the rest in his haste to follow punz. 

"uh.." ranboo had averted his eyes to not meet the others angry glare. "i guess?" 

if worst came to worse for ranboo he was sure he could talk this out with punz to not risk one of his few lives. 

"great." purpled had grabbed ranboos wrist, practically dragging him into the prime path to begin the walk to punz's house. "let's go."

ranboo fiddled with his sleeves, he had an iron sword and boots on him along with various blocks from building him and fundy's ice cream shop. otherwise though, he knew he would be out of luck if punz decided to go for him first. 

"so," ranboo tried to start up a conversation with the shorter boy. he'd heard about purpled from tubbo while getting his tour, asking about the ufo got him a quick rundown on purpled as a person. "why are we going to kill punz?" 

purpled seemed to almost deflate at that, embarrassment clear on his face. 

"he took something from me." purpled spoke, "look, the details aren't important, but help me with this and i'll owe you." 

ranboo looked down on the other, his face looking less angry and more sad. 

"alright." ranboo answered simply, them falling back into an almost painfully awkward silence. purpled seemed to feel it this time, him trying to talk this time. 

"what are you and fundy building?"

ranboo perked up at that, "we're gonna start an ice cream buisness."

"oh." purpled paused, "why ice cream?" 

"it's good right? isn't that reason enough?" ranboo spoke. 

"yeah," purpled spoke, "but it's not a lot of trouble to hop servers for it." 

"well now it's even less trouble." ranboo mumbled, slightly embarrassed over it. ice cream was the coldest thing ranboo could eat without it hurting him. 

"i guess." purpled responded, his face moving back to passive as they reached punz's house. 

purpled turned to ranboo right before they entered the door. 

purpled opened his inventory, pulling out his netherite chest plate and helmet handing them to ranboo. 

"put them on and don't die, okay?" 

ranboo nodded, clumsily strapping the armour on, securing the helmet to his head.

"do you have a sword?" purpled asked quietly. 

"yeah." ranboo pulled out the iron sword, it glinted lightly under the setting sun. 

purpled seemed to contemplate the blade before taking it from ranboos hands, pulling his netherite sword from where it was attached to his hip he handed it to ranboo. 

ranboo studied the blade for a moment before looking down on purpled. he was confused for one, why would purpled give him all his good stuff? 

"it's not that i don't think you can't fight off punz, it just makes me feel better if you're safer." 

ranboo studied purpled for a moment. 

"okay." 

as they entered, punz was wearing his normal outfit, a white sweater with his long gold chain and jeans. his armor from earlier on in the day discarded as he was most likely heading to bed. 

"i knew you'd come round." punz had a grin on his face that ranboo had seen plenty of times earlier in the day, it hadn't unsettled him before, but it did now. 

"i'm not giving you forty fucking iron blocks punz." purpled seethed. 

punz grin widened some but he looked irked, "didn't take you as the type to not care about your pets" 

ranboos brain practically short circuited at that, they were risking their lives for a pet? 

ranboo took a quick look around the room, a small dog sat in a cage in the back corner of the room. the dog looked to just be watching, not worried to much on what was happening. 

_"i do care."_ purpled stressed through his teeth. 

"not enough to pay to get him back though, right?" punz spoke. 

purpled looked even more stressed then ranboo had seen anyone on the server so far. looking close to tears ranboo looked over the dog on the other side of the room. 

purpled pulled the iron sword his teeth grit and his watery glare sharp on punz. 

"listen punz," purpled threatened. "give me the dog, or i'll kill you." 

something ranboo hadn't identified at the time but now knew as fear flashed through punz eyes. ranboo now knew that purpled rarely got to the point of hostility on the server, being generally passive and talking over things. 

betraying his eyes punz pulled out a netherite sword, just as enchanted as the one purpled had handed to him just minutes prior. 

"i'd like to see you try." 

and with that purpled and punz were fighting. ranboo seemed forgotten to both of the other persons in the room so ranboo stepped towards the crate on the floor. 

within seconds a blade was in front of him, blocking ranboos way. 

"don't wanna hurt you man." punz spoke looking straight up at ranboo. "just leave this between us." 

ranboo didn't dare look to see where purpled was but quickly got his answer when the sword in front of him was pulled away to block another strike. 

ranboo took his chance running to the crate and picking the small crate up. he turned around met with punz kicking purpled away only to turn on ranboo and go to swipe at him. 

"ranboo!" purpled yelped, stumbling to his feet to stop punz. 

but ranboo was gone, punz charging towards nothing, stopping in his tracks. 

then purpled was being pulled out of punz's house ranboo tugging on his hand to drag him out, ranboo running awkwardly as he tried to hold the crate and run. 

ranboo had the same purple particles that surrounded enderman around him, looking slightly dazed. 

purpled gripped ranboos hand now being the one to lead their awkward run to the ufo. ranboo ran the best he could holding the small crate the dazed look fading from his eyes quickly as they approached the base of the ufo.

"how do we get the dog up there?" ranboo asked, looking around as if punz would pop out from anywhere. 

ranboo looked down at the other boy, who seemed to hold the first real smile since he'd met him. 

"should be able to just go up." 

so ranboo did just that, adjusting his grip on the small crate he stepped into the water elevator. the water from the elevator didn't hurt him, purpled claiming that it was the bubbles. 

as he reached the top he set the dog down, purpled following him up shortly after. 

purpled looked between ranboo and the dog almost nervously and ranboo caught on quickly releasing the latch that closed the cage and the dog pushed out going straight to purpled who smiled and laughed as the dog licked at him. 

purpleds hands seem to hover near the dogs face, stopping the dog from ever licking his face but otherwise he pet the dog with giggles and grins.

it was as if ranboos stomach flipped, feeling like he just might throw up. ranboo felt even more sick at what it could imply. 

_"i figured it out during him and dreams duel, when he got hit it felt like my stomach flipped and i was going to be sick." tubbo explained as they continued walking._

_"how'd you know he wasn't like," ranboo struggled, "like not a friend."_

_"well," tubbo spoke "no matter what we're always gonna be friends right? but i think the feeling would've been different if it were not friends."_

_"yeah, i guess."_

ranboo stumbled to his feet, his head spinning at more movement. 

"ranboo?" 

ranboo looked down on the other boy, the dog now sitting in his lap as if it were going to sleep. purpleds grin falling slightly at ranboo shifting towards the elevator.

"i uh-" ranboo swallowed back bile he felt in his throat. it was best if purpled didn't know, ranboo had heard about all that had happened before he'd arrived, he didn't want this to be used against him. "i really have to get back to the shop, i promised fundy i'd finish it before he got back tomorrow."

purpled quite obviously didn't believe him but nodded his head otherwise a small grin on his face, "i can help if you need it, i owe you right?" 

ranboo moved his hands quickly in front of him, "no, it's alright i've got this." 

ranboo left before purpled could speak anymore, darting away from the ufo to enter his only half finished ice cream shop. 

ranboo had scrambled around his shop. 

he needed a book, he needed to remember this, he needed to write it down. 

ranboo searched for all the components of a book, quickly making one and flipping to a page near the back. 

_purpled is your soulmate, tell no one._

ranboo had written some other things, on the top of the second page he started a list. 

**my friends  
fundy  
niki  
tubbo  
tommy  
purpled (???) **

on the next few pages he wrote more events, things he deemed important in the moment. looking at the title he named it, something simple that everyone would get. 

**  
_DO NOT READ_  
**

———

now ranboo was panicking, dream of all people had outed him as a traitor. telling about how he found and read ranboos book.

it told about how he failed to pick a side, how he just wanted to choose other people. it showed how he bent on a whim to others needs and wants. 

most importantly it held the one thing he couldn't bear to have used against him, the name of the person he was meant to spend his entire life with. 

ranboo had fled, making his way to his panic room with both books hidden away in his enderchest waiting for him when he was sure to open the chest and look through them. 

was he wrong to choose people? what if he was insane? how could one be completely without a side? 

he flipped the lid of the enderchest, the top of it hitting the obsidian walls with a resounding clang. 

he dug through the chest moving the few discs he owned, diamonds and netherite he'd deemed precious enough to stay in the chest, some blocks of iron. 

at the very bottom of the chest a netherite helmet, sword, and chestplate sat.

 _"it just makes me feel better if you're safer."_

ranboo shoved it out of the way, finding the books underneath it all. he slammed the chest closed, opening one of the books in its place. 

at the top of the second page, "my friends". 

who were his friends? who? who at this point considered him a friend? did he even have friends? would being without does work? what was wrong with him? why was he thinking like this? was he wrong? 

he stared at the list, taking a small pen and marking names. 

**my friends  
~~fundy  
niki  
tubbo  
tommy ~~  
purpled (???)**

he couldn't be wrong. 

not when everything he'd said had been true, not when things had turned out like this. 

"hello." 

ranboo froze, slowly bringing his head up from staring at the words on the page to the man shaped shadow in the opposite corner. 

"oh," he swallowed thickly, "so you're here. you've come to my panic room. i really can't escape you, can i?"

there was silence from the shadow.

"why? why are you doing this now, when you could've blown it up immediately? why tell them about me after? why give them that hope?"

"eh. it was fun." 

"that's what it's always been."

"it's just a game." 

"yeah, it's fun for you to watch everyone suffer."

"lots of fun."

ranboo was silent pulling his knees to his chest his hands moving to hold his face. 

"did i do the right thing dream?" 

the shadow seemed to stare straight through him. 

"i don't think we're talking about the same thing." 

ranboo looked up, meeting the gaze that pierced his.

"you made a mistake not telling purpled." dream began, "and by choosing no side you chose one of a traitor."

ranboo thought over his words, he hated the way dream seemed to read him the same way he'd read his books. he didn't want to talk about the books though, he didn't want to talk about what he couldn't remember. 

"purpled would've figured it out." ranboo paused, "he's smart."

the shadow seemed to grin at him, "he knows, i bet."

ranboo suddenly didn't want to talk about this anymore, he didn't want to think about what that implied. 

"i didn't betray anyone." 

"you betrayed everyone." 

"i never meant for any of this. george's house, the book, the war. i just want my friends to be safe." 

"if you wanted them safe, why'd you blow up the community house?"

ranboo felt frozen terror run through him, "what?"

the shadow nodded, "you and tommy blew it up."

ranboo seemed to push himself further into the corner. "no... no. i wouldn't, i would remember that." 

the shadow made a noise like it was contemplating, "would you?"

"i-" ranboo paused, flipping though the pages and finding nothing. "i would've written it down." 

"really?" 

"if i can't trust myself," ranboo felt awful, moving his hands to hold his face in behind his knees. "what can i trust?" 

the voice seemed to let out a small laugh that sounded a little to much like purpled and not enough like dream. "not yourself, i'm not even real." 

"what do you mean," ranboo looked up, where he used to meet the shadows gaze he was met with an obsidian wall. the question died on his tongue."...you aren't real."

ranboo looked around his room, enderchest moving to rub against his leg. her purrs and the bubbles from the short water elevator ranboo had built to get out being the only noises ranboo could hear. 

ranboo reached his hand out to pet enderchest, her rubbing happily against his hand. 

"i'll be back, alright?" ranboo stood, trying to slightly straighten out his clothes, his tie hung loosely around his neck his white dress shirt opened at the top in a similar fashion. 

he grabbed the netherite helmet from the chest, placing it on his head as protection from the rain.

he couldn't deal with all of this at once, he needed to take it one thing at a time. 

he went up the short elevator and began the trek back to new l'manburg. 

when he arrived it was exactly as it was when he left. 

only a few people were around still. callahan was overlooking the crater, staring straight down at the bedrock it'd been blown to. his face seemed to hold the melancholy of everyone who'd lived there, of the people, homes, and animals lost in the destruction. 

niki and fundy stood at the border, matching grins as they stared at the place that was once their home. 

ponk and sapnap stood together, looking between the community house and l'manburg. both held their heads high as if hoping some god above could fix this. 

ranboo walked slowly towards the two purple beacons to the right of new l'manburg. 

as ranboo walked through the destruction he could see tubbo and tommy hug, both of them smiling before walking away from l'manburg.

ranboo walked up to the final person staring down at the damages. sitting with this legs dangling over the edge of the hole to bedrock. 

ranboo sat next to him, his legs dangling over the edge, the fear of falling itched the back of his head but he ignored it. 

"is that why you left so fast when you helped me get back dog champ?"

ranboo could feel purpleds eyes on him, but stared down at the bedrock.

"i was gonna ask how you did that," purpled seemed to think, "that thing when you disappeared in front of punz. you left before i got the chance."

when ranboo didn't respond purpled continued. 

"i thought you'd used a pearl, but i would've seen y'know? you just disappeared."

ranboos tongue felt heavy, "i can teleport, sometimes, if i need to." 

purpled seemed to realize this talk was getting him nowhere, the small talk wouldn't get either of them to talk about it. purpleds gaze seemed to shift to straight ahead. 

"people don't really care about me on this server ranboo." 

ranboos gaze snapped to the other, _he_ cared. he didn't want this to happen, any of didn't want them to be used against each other. 

"i've gotten pretty okay with where i'm at though." purpled spoke, nodding his head as if trying to convince himself as well. "it just sucks to know that you knew and basically ran away." 

ranboo felt his stomach sink. he hadn't meant to make purpled feel bad, honestly he'd love to be attached at the hip like most soulmates were. 

ranboo was just scared.

"did you know?" ranboo asked softly, "before?"

purpled looked as if he was thinking.

"i don't think so." 

ranboo pulled his hands farther into his sleeves, the patter of rain had slowed a lot into a sprinkle but it still stung when it hit his fingertips. 

"when we were fighting punz," ranboo began, "i thought you were the most stressed member of the smp." 

purpled let out a small snort of a laugh. 

"you really care for your pets, and i've seen you fight for your land as well." 

ranboo remembers the meeting at the court over mexican l'manburg being built atop purpleds land. 

purpled had won. 

"people might not care that you're on the server, but you don't let them forget you're here." 

finally they met eyes, both of them looking at each other. ranboo never realized the other boys eyes were violet. 

then purpled let out a laugh, the smile seeming so genuine it even made ranboo laugh.

purpled smiled at ranboo before standing, offering a hand to ranboo that he took quickly. purpled smiled at him, before he began walking back towards his base. the rain seemed to stop enough, enough for ranboo to take off the helmet that wasn't at all his. 

"wait!" ranboo spoke quickly, pulling the helmet off and taking long strides to meet purpled. the rain still stung some, but ranboo could craft an iron one before looking for a place to stay. 

purpled turned around, another smile on his face. 

"you've got helmet hair." 

ranboo smiled down at him. 

"yeah, i know." he handed off the helmet. "it's yours." 

purpled inspected it a moment before handing it back to him.

"you keep it, it makes me feel better knowing your safer."

**Author's Note:**

> n e way, here’s the playlist i was listening to while writing this bc i suppose they deserve some form of credit.  
> (it’s my friend pls don’t come for my head)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/22Zk7gNH0YVwqFIxB0E0TH?si=F_XCZxm7SHCzq-fliRVaRg


End file.
